Sometimes a very simple moment in a therapy session can reveal something essential about how we function internally.
At the end of a recent session, a client asked a question that many people ask in therapy:
“What should I do between now and our next session?”
At first glance, this question seems completely natural. Many people want to continue the work between sessions and make progress in their process.
But sometimes, behind this type of question, there may be a deeper mechanism.
I gently asked him:
“Is your question connected to a sense of performance?”
He paused for a moment… and then started to laugh. It was as if something had suddenly become clear to him.
In that moment, he recognized a familiar reflex: the desire to do the right thing, to meet expectations, or to adapt in order not to disappoint.
When a Pattern Becomes Visible
Many behaviors we develop throughout our lives are adaptive strategies.
At some point, these strategies may have helped us maintain connection, avoid rejection, anticipate expectations, or stay safe in challenging environments.
Over time, these responses can become automatic. They may appear even when the present situation no longer requires them.
Therapy can sometimes create a unique moment: the moment when a person sees their own pattern appearing in real time.
The Role of the Nervous System
In therapeutic approaches that include the body and the nervous system, many reactions are not simply conscious choices.
They are often responses that the nervous system has learned through life experiences.
When a pattern becomes visible, a new space can appear. Instead of reacting automatically, the person may begin to observe the reflex with curiosity.
A Metaphor from the Natural World
Imagine a gazelle in the savannah that believes it senses a lion nearby.
Its body immediately moves into a state of alertness. But if the gazelle pauses, looks around, and realizes that there is actually no predator, its nervous system can settle again.
This moment of orientation allows the body to recognize that the danger is no longer present.
Something similar can happen in human experience. Our reactions today may sometimes be influenced by past experiences. But when we become aware of these reflexes, we can gradually reorient ourselves to the reality of the present moment.
The Power of Awareness
Change does not always come through effort or willpower.
Often it begins with a simple inner recognition:
“Ah, this reflex is appearing again.”
Over time, this awareness can transform our relationship to these patterns.
Little by little, certain automatic responses may begin to shift simply because they become visible.
And sometimes, it all begins with a simple question.